Archives for May 2017

I have a very simple tell for spotting amateur filmmakers. It’s if they say, “we’re going to premiere at Sundance.”

Not “we’ve gotten into the Sundance,” but “we’re going to premiere at Sundance.”

Sundance Film Festival gets 4000 feature film submissions a year. They accept 100-120. Many of the films they select are chosen before they even watch the open submissions, which means that if you submit blindly, your odds are actually even lower than that.

If you haven’t finished the film yet, and you’re already saying you’ll beat those odds, you’re either deluded or naive. Yet it’s surprising how many I’ve heard make this claim.

Also – why Sundance? Why not the Berlin, Venice, or Toronto International Film Festival? Why is Sundance important to your release strategy? There are niche film festivals for documentary, horror, LGBT films etc. Why not a festival for your niche, where the audience might be more receptive to your film? In fact, why do you even need a festival release at all? Why not limited theatrical or straight to DVD/VOD?

When amateur filmmakers say they’re going to premiere at Sundance what they are trying to communicate is that their film will be great, and making it into Sundance is the only symbol they have for conveying that, because it’s one of the few film festivals non-filmmakers know. However, the fact they don’t have any other symbol of success should tell you their level of experience.

This tactic sometimes works on non-filmmakers, because most people are very bad at visualizing what a final product will look like from work-in-progress. If you tell a non-filmmaker your brilliant release plan, expect their eyes to glaze over. If you tell them “we’re going to premiere at Sundance!” – hey, they have an image for that. It’s probably a misconception, but whatever – that image of Hollywood success will stick with them much more than any truthful plans.

The problem is that for the people who know film, they’ve just outed themselves as an amateur.

Read More: Empathy is The Ultimate Persuasion Tool

You might want to check out my movie, because we’re going to premiere at Sundance in your imagination.

In the past two years, I’ve become deeply interested in persuasion for one simple reason – I used to suck at it.

Don’t let the recent success of raising over $90,000 on Kickstarter, having the trailer for my film go viral with over 400,000 views in a week, or the fact persuasion guru Scott Adams linked me fool you. Most of my life has been spent autistically explaining things to people, and then having them yell at me because they got triggered.

Since writing about persuasion, I’ve had people repeatedly ask me for advice about the topic. All the advice I could give them would really come down to one word. It’s the thing I didn’t realize when I was younger, and possibly the hardest thing for any human being to work on.

Empathy.

Empathy is the ultimate persuasion tool.

To be clear – empathy is the ability to understand what another person is thinking, feeling, and experiencing.

In order to persuade someone, you first have have to know where they are. You can’t lead someone to a new place, if you don’t know where they’re starting. If I say “you should join me, because of our shared identity as Italians” – and you aren’t Italian – the argument will fall on deaf ears. However, if your Italian heritage is deeply important to your identity, then that argument might be very persuasive.

Many of the arguments I used to make and the arguments I see others make come from assuming the other person is like you, shares your unique ideas, feelings, and experiences, and will react to new information the same way you do, rather then respecting their unique perspective and starting point.

Understanding People’s Pain

There’s a story about two skeptics who attended a new age healing workshop. They found the workshop ridiculous and unscientific. When the workshop organizers took questions, one attendee asked if the healing process they were selling would cure insomnia. They said it would. Another asked if it would help him stay awake longer. They said it would. The skeptics stood up and pointed out that it was impossible for the same process to help someone both stay awake and fall asleep. They proceeded to debunk the organizers’ claims.

At the end of the seminar, there were twice as many sign-ups as usual.

When the skeptics questioned attendees – why did you sign up when we debunked everything? – they learned the attendees had real problems. One was in physical pain from his inability to sleep. He didn’t want to be talked out of something that might treat his problem. While the skeptics arguments were valid, those arguments wouldn’t solve their problems. The healing method might. This was not a philosophical exercise for the attendees. They were in real pain.

In other words – while their argument was sound, the skeptics hadn’t empathized with the people they were speaking to.

Sort Yourself Out

When I first sought persuasion advice, it came from a place of manipulation. “How do I get this other person to do what I want?” And based on the questions I’ve gotten, I suspect I’m not the only one who’s thought this way.

This comes from a valid place. We all have a need to be seen and heard. When our needs aren’t met, we look for ways to fulfill them. The idea that there’s a secret formula by which you can get people to do what you want is very appealing, especially if you have unmet needs. Ironically, this selfish attitude is the opposite of what works in persuasion. The real question to ask isn’t “how do I get what I want” but “what does the other person want and need – and is there a way I can get both our needs met?”

But how can you focus on others needs when yours are still crying out unmet?

There – you’re going to have to empathize with your own unmet needs. You’re going to have to do the inner work of deeply listening to them and meeting them from within. If this sounds like therapy, yes, that’s one form it could take. It’s had a different names over the years. Inner work. Spirituality. Sorting yourself out. But if you do it, you’ll be practicing the skill of empathy, whether you know it or not.

If you practice empathy with yourself, you can practice it with others.

Empathy Will Cost You Your Pride

I suspect more people don’t open themselves up to empathy because empathy goes both ways.

The moment you really understand someone else’s perspective, you might realize it’s valid. You might realize that your simple narratives about them aren’t true. You may or may not change their perspective, but yours will definitely shift.

For one of the best examples of this I know, check out this talk by Cassie Jaye, the director of The Red Pill.

Empathy will cost you your pride.

Pride is the belief that you’re better than others because reasons. It’s a feeling or belief of superiority.

How many YouTube videos, articles, and even “news” stories can be boiled down to, “look at this person I’m better than!” Look at that SJW. That racist. That feminist. That Trump supporter. That loser. Isn’t it nice to feel better than that person? Mmmmm… Pride.

Some of you won’t be able to let go of that. That’s okay. Just know that you won’t be as effective a persuader, and most of the time you’ll be responding to your idea of a person, rather than who they actually are.

Empathy Plus Technique

Once you have empathy, all other persuasion techniques will work. NLP, hypnosis, Robert Cialdini’s work, marketing techniques – all of it. But you won’t be able to pace and lead your audience till you know where they are.

So start with empathy. Start with really trying to understand the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of other people. And if you’re not ready to do that yet, practice empathy with your own unmet needs.

Read More: How To Recommend Movies

P.S. You might be interested in my documentary, because you want to be an empathic person.

Recommending movies is a bit like recommending lovers – you have to know the person you’re recommending for to give them a good suggestion.

90% of the time someone says “you have to see that movie!” I have zero interest. This is because when most people recommend a film, they are recommending the film based on the experience it gave them, not the experience it will give you.

We all process the world differently. Two can people can watch the same film and have different experiences. They might also be looking different experiences. Whether or not you’ll like a film often depends more on you and what you’re looking for, then the film itself.

For example, the film Requiem for Dream (2000) is an undeniably powerful film. However, it is a brutal work of art about addiction that pushes the artform of editing to a style that borders on experimental. The ending is absolutely devastating and most people I know cry – heck, sob uncontrollably – at climax of the film. If you want to experience what is possible with cinema, or feel a deep sense of sadness and release, this is your film. If you’re on a first date, or looking for a fun night in with the family, not so much.

When recommending a film, you have to consider two:

• How does the person I’m suggesting a film for process the world?
• What sort of experience is this person looking to have?

Films are a bit like hypnosis – imaginary events that produce real results. While the film may be fake, your feelings about it and experience of it is real. Studies have shown that if a character you identify with wins, you experience that win as if it was your own, even on a biological level, with testosterone levels rising as a result.

So if films change us, the real question is – how would you like to change? What would you like to experience?

Since I’m considering starting a weekly movie recommendation series, my goal isn’t just to note the usual stuff – the cinematography, the acting, the editing, the blah blah blah – but the experience you might have from a film. Of course, everyone processes the world differently, so if I suspect different types may react differently to a film, I’ll note that.

Often a persons reaction to a film says more about them then the film itself. For example, the first time I saw Taxi Driver (1976), I didn’t like it. Taxi Driver is a film about loneliness, and at the time I saw it, I felt lonely. I didn’t want to confront those feelings, so to have them reflected back to me was difficult. However, upon reflection, the film helped me deal with those feelings. Now it’s one of my favorites, in part because it helped reveal something to me that I didn’t know I was feeling. The art allowed me to go deeper into myself.

Films can also allow us to understand each other on a deeper level. When someone recommends a film, they often do so because they want you to understand an experience they had. In understanding that experience, you better understand something about them. (Sometimes people even make films because they want you to understand their experience of the experience of others, but that’s a different story.)

Most film reviewers pretend movies as if they are objective critics, but we do not experience film – or anything – objectively. We experience it from our perspective. And wanting someone to understand your perspective is a totally valid reason to recommend a film. If film can further intimacy and understanding, great. I fully admit that some of the films I’ll write about will be because I want to expose people to new perspective.

That said – what experiences are you looking to have? Let me know – @bdmarotta on all social media.

P.S. If you know someone who is having a baby or might have one, you might want to recommend they get on the email list for my upcoming documentary.